I’ve been thinking. Then I hit a road block and I look for more ideas to mix in. Then I realize it’s not a road block it’s the great wall of china, or perhaps the actual edge of the world. I have theories too.
The problem is marriage. Or rather, marital submission. Secular feminism vs. traditional views are totally irrelevant with this one. This boxing match has a well built ring. The bible, tradition, other writings, practicality, we’re not talking about some abstract. We have verse taken as holding truth. We have our eternal purpose at steak as we decide what to think on the God’s opinion of our existence. With that let’s take egalitarianism out of the fight. Why? Because as it is there seems to be no egalitarian thought which also holds to marital submission. What’s being fought here is complementarianism --A hierarchy of God > Man/Men > Woman/Women >Children > animals. (The animal part was my addition…) For the most part this is agreed upon as complementarianism. It’s pretty straight forwards. Everyone works together in a heavenly bureaucracy of love and higher-ups. However there seems to be a deviation in the philosophy when talking about women. I always find that when men preach on this topic they do such a nice job with talking about what a Man is, then they move to part two and I find myself hugging my knees and running my hands through my hair. But alas here are the two deviations.
Golden Retriever theory:
When deciding that Women are to Submit to their Husbands one train of thought says that because God ordered man in this way it’s universal throughout culture. Meaning, women are to submit to all men, married or not. This is a logical conclusion if you believe that men and women are different to their core. That their spirits are both man and woman as are their bodies. This is good. I don’t think God make a bunch of people spirits and then separated them into team red and team blue then said team blue already wins, sorry suckers in red. It just isn’t logical. In the end the woman can understand him better, be wiser or more intuitive, be kinder and in better character. She may "complete him" or "make him who he is today" (both things you can here from people at a dog park) she is still a dog. With a leash, and a crate, she's the best thing that happened to him. Yet, she's still of lesser value in her opinion and influence in his decisions.
The problem with that is by that standard no woman is to EVER hold authority over ANY man. Even the times when actual bible characters did... Why? The same reason your dog doesn’t do crafts with your kids on the kitchen table if you don’t let him eat there. I mean. Equal is flat bullshit in this opinion. Men are higher than women. Dolphins don’t hold swimming lessons no matter how good they are at it because in the end its an animal in a cage, the trainer teaches, the dolphin swims.
Tectonic plate theory:
This one is a little more illogical in the beginning but seems to have a more reasonable outcome. Men and women are equal and serve each other. They don’t however submit until they are married at which point a woman submits the same way as she did as said above, only, not to anyone else. This is called my tectonic plate theory because it’s the only way I could think of drawing that graph. Think of the unaffected parts of the two plates being friends and others, equal, then BLAM! The man is over the woman in this crumpled blip where she’s shoved below the surface or he’s as high as a mountain. I don’t exactly know why God would do this. I mean, everyone appears to get along fine as equals and then marriage forces someone to be a leader? Much more, does he rise up in power or does she shrink in her authority? Why, if they are totally innately equal does this phenomena take place? I mean, they were equals, then she put on a ring and he became higher. It doesn’t really make sense but as long as this theory is in practice a woman has a chance of working outside the home, and having influence even over men, as long as her husband is okay with it.
Even in the mist of this bleak ultimatum I’m unfashionably ashamed to admit that I can’t help but believe that there must be some kind of marital submission of wives to their husbands in marriage. Why? Probably because I’ve never known a day without that ideal. I can’t see life thought any other lens at present. I just can’t seem to find a logical answer as to why submission must happen. In most balanced homes both partners seem to work together in a way that solves issues without one needing to be “leader.” In order to pull the leader card a man has to know he’s severing the relationship, perhaps only momentarily, with his wife. He’s saying, ‘I get that you think that, but right now my idea is more important and it’s more powerful.’ Perhaps it’s “for her own good,” (like no one has ever abused that phrase,) the point is, he finds his opinion and idea higher than hers. That’s not equal, it simply isn’t. It means that while a woman may have the privilege of making decisions with her husband they are merely privileges and can be revoked at any time. Of course most sensible husbands don’t do that, or at least very often, my point is that he can.
I’m not really worried about the practice. Sure both of these options could potentially annihilate some of my hopes and dreams, but really, I’ve always been too optimistic for a future in theological studies anyway. The point is deeper to me: that I am something, or could be something, less than what I once thought. That 50% of the world’s human population is superior to me in a way I can never achieve. I cannot think like them, or speak like them, or feel like them, sure, but are their thoughts are higher than mine? I may be smarter as, kind as, wise as, but at the end of the day could they still be unmatched in some invisible quality that God finds it good for them to be more privileged that me? If this is true, it is more that I must realize I have been severely wrong. It’s the feeling you get when you find out one you’re your coolest friends was hanging out with you out of pity. The small worthless feeling just about everyone get’s at some point in high school. Unlike high school, where your mom told you that you were amazing anyway, you aren’t. Actually, you are innately inferior to a being you have a 50% chance of producing when you get pregnant. In fact, your only real hope in life as far as influence goes is by producing said superior child and molding his young psyche until he grows up to do big things. If you have daughters, well, too bad. I guess they get to try what you tried in creating more superior beings.
This is bleak. I don’t care. If God made it, and God is good, (I’m still convinced) then I should at some point find joy in this existence. I mean a dog might have his dreams as a math teacher dashed, it doesn’t mean he won’t like bringing in the paper. But all I want is to know why. Why God would find me not good enough and yet keep me smart enough to care. I just want to know why. It's not that I don't trust God, it's not that I'm even angry or doubtful. I just want to know why.
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